Many people will engage in a period of self-help before they will consider calling for a therapy appointment.
Sometimes self-help works well and sometimes it is actually harmful. The current estimate is that about 5% of people who engage in self-help endeavors end up being harmed by them. The greatest harm is done because of the following:

1. Unrealistic expectations that do not function as promised. The best-seller “The Secret” could easily encourage someone to believe that all you have to do is visualize and it will come true. A positive vision is necessary but not...

Although there are more single people living alone than at any time in prior history in the US,  it can be a challenge for many single people who perceive that world seems to be coupled. My single clients who want to find  a partner sometimes struggle with feelings of loneliness and, anger and shame. Some of them express that they feel no one has ever chosen them (never married singles) and have no validation of their lovability that they can show to others. Some feel discouraged with the quest to find a partner in love. Other patients (divorced/widowed) feel sadness that their primary relationship...

The material on the history of marriage that has been written by Stephanie Coontz makes it clear that expecting emotional closeness and affection in a marriage is a relatively new phenomenon and is related to western economies having accrued enough resources so that marriage is about other variables than having enough to eat or having children to work the land. Tying marriage to love in the twentieth century increased the divorce rate and the lack of stability of marriage. We are now far enough in the process of studying this new kind of marriage to have some data on what makes marriages work...

One of the most important times in your life to seek therapy is in your 20’s and 30’s.This is the time that you are making those life decisions that will impact the course of your future. Here are just some of the questions that you are busy answering:
Should I get married and to whom?
Do I want children?
What should I do for work and an income?
Where should I live?
Why is my marriage such hard work? Is this the way it is supposed to be?
How close do I want to be to my parents?How much should I stand up to them?

As you can see, these are...

There is often denial in families about the emotional troubles of others in the family. This is particularly true when a mother is emotionally unstable and family members look the other way instead of stepping in and dealing with the issue. The problem with this kind of denial is that children are affected by a mother’s mood swings, alcohol use, rage, verbal put downs or neediness. The same woman that no one in the family can deal with is left in charge of the children.

Often fathers have no idea what to do and avoid the situation by withdrawing and resigning themselves...

There are a number of important stages and steps to go through in the process of divorce recovery. It is important to be proactive and effortful in this process…many of those who drift through hoping that time alone will be their healer may end up in the percentage of divorcees who do not really grow or enhance their lives with this painful experience. To feel the failure of your marriage and determine that you will learn and benefit from this experience means that you will be less likely to repeat it down the road. It is estimated that about 30% of partners who dissolve a family with...

Last Friday night the Healing Money Issues program was featured on ABC’s 20/20. This is a 5 day live-in program at a retreat center in Tennessee that works with clients on money issues. I worked in this program as an assistant last november and learned a lot . Here is a link to the video if you would like to see it.  Healing Money Issues

On another note, I am starting my women and money ongoing group this fall. This is a group for women only as all the research and my personal experience leads me to believe that women work best on subjects...

After a review of the research on women and mathematical and technical skills, I have affirmed my theory that women learn best in small same-sex groups that are cooperative and encouraging of verbal connection. Most women enjoy sharing and communicating personal material and enjoy analyzing and understanding emotions and relationships. The emotive-relationship area of skill development is one that girls have been trained for beginning in the early preschool years, based on extensive observation of same sex play groups over years. This is the way that women learn difficult or anxiety-arousing...

The number of women owned businesses continues to increase. The Small Business Association estimates that women-owned businesses account for 28 percent of private businesses. While women are gaining in ownership numbers, the revenues they produce account for only 18% of the small business revenues….a big drop from the ownership numbers. In fact it looks as though in the most typical business for women is a sole proprietership in a service business with income of less than 50,000. Many of these women are married and running and running their businesses from home. More than half of the start-ups...

I just finished my copy of Suze Orman’s new book called “Women and Money” and I am glad that she is talking about the dysfunction that so many women have with money. The book is just fine and so is the information it it. But I wonder about a woman being able to work a 5 month program with a lot of information in it on her own. Women just do so much better when they are using personal support and relationships and talking to help them make lifestyle changes. It’s the difference between going to Weight Watcher meetings and reading a diet book on your own.
I notice...