Rebuilding your life

Dr. Mary Gresham — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 22:40:43 +0000

There comes a time for each of us when we face the task of rebuilding an adult life from the ground up. It may be that losses are occurring in proximity to each other. Job loss, loss of a significant other, death of a family member, the emptying of the nest, or a change in economic circumstances are some the loss experiences that create the impetus to rebuild our lives. There are also many wonderful life experiences where we have to start over: a new job in a new city, graduating from school, leaving military service,retiring from a long term job and changing marital or parental status. It is hard to remember when we are feeling settled and comfortable that this state is temporary and at some point will come to an end. When the old life falls apart, it is easy to feel lost, alone and confused. The trite saying, “The only way out is through” is particularly true for these relaunching of ourselves.
Along with the stress of trying to make decisions and rebuild our worlds, there is also an opportunity to redefine ourselves and pursue other options that we may not have considered in the past. All of us also have unlived potentials inside of us that we can draw on to re-invent our new worlds.
The re-building task will confront us at a number of times in our adult lives and is part of the nature of how we live in the modern world. These transitions are distressing, challenging, and rewarding times in our lives and we need all the support we can get to keep depression and anxiety from overwhelming us. When you find yourself at this place in your life, don’t be afraid to ask others for help. By the time most of us have reached the age of 40, we have all hit some hard times and had to face disappointing re-definitions of what we thought our lives would become. This is a good time to turn to foundations of what has sustained us in past times: friendships, support groups, knowledge-seeking,time spent in natural settings,creative endeavors, religious beliefs, and a willingness to ask for help will help you stay the course until your new life has taken hold.

Life Stress, Relationship Stress

Dr. Mary Gresham — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:10:09 +0000

One of the difficulties with the current times is the amount of anxiety generated by both the news and our social conversations. We are in a period of upsetting changes and uncertainty.In everyday talk, it is easy to see and hear how fearful most people are about the changes in our government, our financial systems and our businesses. In the midst of these stresses it is difficult to stay calm and understand that getting upset and anxious is unlikely to be of any benefit to us or to the people we love. In fact, it is likely that without realizing it we will take our own stresses out on our families and friends because we are comfortable with them and feel secure that they will not abandon us over our irritability and snappishness. The problem with this is that over time, taking stress out on our intimates does wear away the good feelings in the relationship. We may not end a relationship over a tense exchange and negative mood but we are unlikely to approach that person with caring and offers of connection. Small resentments begin to build when we feel unfairly treated in everyday interactions. It is important to help your partner become aware of this because most people do this without awareness. It is not helpful to respond in kind with sarcasm, etc such as “Excuse me for living”, etc. That just keeps the cycle going. Make a positive protest more along the lines of the following: ” I know that you are tense and worried but I would really appreciate it if you did not take this out on me. Let’s see if we can figure out how to reduce your stress.” I know that sounds like a tall order and it is not always possible to be so reasonable. The more you can tell your friends and family when you feel hurt by the behaviors of tension and worry that are taken out on you, the more likely you are to interrupt the process. If you are the one who is overwhelmed and stressed, be sure to apologize when you are snappy , impatient or withdrawn with your family and friends. Instead, ask for their patience and understanding during a difficult time. Relationships, unlike the economy, the availability of energy resources, the stock market and the elections, are a place where you do have immediate impact on the outcome.

Dr. Mary Gresham » Stress

Rebuilding your life

Life Stress, Relationship Stress