Dr. Mary Gresham » Psychotherapy

A Difficult Mother

Dr. Mary Gresham — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 20:46:49 +0000

What does it mean to have a difficult mother? All mothers go through difficult periods due to fatigue, stress and the demands of adult life and parenting. However a truly difficult mother is difficult all the time and presents a child with an unresolvable dilemma: you can either sacrifice yourself and have a relationship with me or be your true self and I will ridicule, disapprove of or reject you. The child’s dependency on the mother is then exploited and he/she will have difficulty trusting others and developing close relationships in adulthood. Some of the characterisitics of a difficult mother include erratic and intense outbursts of anger, rigid and inflelxible expectations of her child or chronic neediness and unhappiness. The child grows up to be the caretaker or the parent of the mother and even in adulthood can have great difficulty resisting a mother’s manipulations and control. Often a grown child will beg mom to please “accept me as I am and stop needing, controlling or being angry with me.” Truly learning that your mother is no longer in charge of you can be hard , even when you know in your head that it is true. Learning that others will not treat you as she did is also hard. Challenge the voices in you that predict everyone will treat you similarly and you will always have to placate others. Be sure that you are not drawn to relationships that feel like a repeat of your childhoood as there are other ways to be with people than the ways of your original family. If you have difficulty with these issues, ask for help if you need it.

Happiness Research

Dr. Mary Gresham — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:11:45 +0000

What should you spend your money on? How effective is therapy at increasing happiness? The latest research from the Journal of Health Economics, Policy and Law ( Boyce and Wood) has an article entitled Money or Mental Health: Alleviating Psychological Distress with Monetary Compensation versus Psychological Therapy. This research analyzed data sets where thousands of people gave reports on their well-being. They compared well-being ratings for subjects who got a 4 month course of psychotherapy to the ratings of those who had a sudden increase in income through winnings and pay raises. The increase in well-being from $1300 of therapy was equivalent in this study to the well-being obtained by an increase of $40,726 in pay. Dr. Boyce writes that the purpose of the study is to help people see that they may be overestimating the effect that money has on their well-being. We should be questioning whether our current spending patterns are having the best impact on our well-being and making our mental health a priority. Perhaps courts should consider awarding therapy visits instead of dollars to plaintiffs. Having material wealth is unlikely to improve mental health, contrary to common myths, and people might be better off spending money on psychological therapy which seems 32 times more effective than money at increasing feelings of well-being.

Mood Changes and Cycles

Dr. Mary Gresham — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:29:26 +0000

Because springtime is coming and many people feel a burst of energy with the increase in sunlight, it seemed like a good time to discuss some of the normal cycles that many people experience. When you are feeling a burst of energy , starting new projects, coming up with new ideas and generally moving out into the world, you are in what is called the expansive mode. This is the cycle that feels good as you expand out from your typical ways of being in the world. It is possible to get a little scattered as you take on a number of new things or make changes in your life. Although this cycle has many rewards, it does require a lot of energy and there comes a time when it cannot be continued as you begin to feel worn out and in need of some “down time.”

This leads naturally into the period that is called contraction, which is a pulling in of your energy and a time to reflect and consolidate your activities. This time is a time where you need to rest and may feel more of a need for solitude. Because our society tends to value the high energy person who is always thinking of the next thing, many people feel that there is something wrong with them when they want some alone time and do not feel particularly social. These cycles are normal and natural and all humans experience them.

There are mood problems such as cyclothymia and bipolar where the mood shifts are dramatic, intense and frequent. These are different than the normal cycles that we all feel. They may need to be evaluated and you may need help learning to manage your mood shifts from a therapist. You can tell the difference by noticing that your daily functioning is compromised by a more serious mood disorder to the point that you may not feel able to get out of bed or leave the house in the down phase. Signs that you may need help in the up phase include an inability to stay on any of the new projects to completion or integration and you have impulsive urges that you are having trouble controlling. If you have concerns about this, do not hesitate to contact me via email at mg@doctorgresham.com or 404-320-6510.