There is often denial in families about the emotional troubles of others in the family. This is particularly true when a mother is emotionally unstable and family members look the other way instead of stepping in and dealing with the issue. The problem with this kind of denial is that children are affected by a mother’s mood swings, alcohol use, rage, verbal put downs or neediness. The same woman that no one in the family can deal with is left in charge of the children. Often fathers have no idea what to do and avoid the situation by withdrawing and resigning themselves to a wife’s...

Is there such a thing as a slacker young adult? Yes there is and they may be part of your own family or even living with you. I have recently been asked by 2 mothers who have children in their 20s living at home, how to help launch these grown children. First of all, not every child who lives in a multi-generational household is a slacker. Some are busy as students or full-time employees and it may be that these young adults are living at home to save money for something important or avoid student debt. In these cases, the children pay some of the living expenses of the house and do chores...

We have just passed Valentine’s Day, a hard time for many single people because the world seems to be coupled. My single patients tend to have difficulties and distress at this time of year, feeling shame that they are still single. Most of them express that they feel no one has ever chosen them (never married singles) and have no validation of their lovability that they can show to others. Many feel discouraged with the quest to find a partner in love. Other patients (divorced/widowed) feel a lot of sadness that their primary relationship is gone but do not seem to have as much difficulty...

What does it mean to have a difficult mother? All mothers go through difficult periods due to fatigue, stress and the demands of adult life and parenting. However a truly difficult mother is difficult all the time and presents a child with an unresolvable dilemma: you can either sacrifice yourself and have a relationship with me or be your true self and I will ridicule, disapprove of or reject you. The child’s dependency on the mother is then exploited and he/she will have difficulty trusting others and developing close relationships in adulthood. Some of the characterisitics of a difficult...

What should you spend your money on? How effective is therapy at increasing happiness? The latest research from the Journal of Health Economics, Policy and Law ( Boyce and Wood) has an article entitled Money or Mental Health: Alleviating Psychological Distress with Monetary Compensation versus Psychological Therapy. This research analyzed data sets where thousands of people gave reports on their well-being. They compared well-being ratings for subjects who got a 4 month course of psychotherapy to the ratings of those who had a sudden increase in income through winnings and pay raises. The...

I believe that the majority of health insurance clients have little knowledge of how the industry works and the problems inherent in the current system until they have a serious medical situation and have to become an expert on the process. Most of my new clients are in the dark about their benefits and the situations behind the scenes that have an impact on their own financial lives. After being quite involved with the health insurance industry for 20 years, I finally had to give it up for the sake of my sanity. One of the main difficulties is the inherent conflict of interest in making...

Last Friday night the Healing Money Issues program was featured on ABC’s 20/20. This is a 5 day live-in program at a retreat center in Tennessee that works with clients on money issues. I worked in this program as an assistant last november and learned a lot . Here is a link to the video if you would like to see it.  Healing Money Issues

On another note, I am starting my women and money ongoing group this fall. This is a group for women only as all the research and my personal experience leads me to believe that women work best on subjects...

I have been aware for a number of years how using recreational chemicals can impede the development of closeness in couples. The last 2 weeks in the office have really brought this home. When you are high and your special one is not,  he/she is likely to withdraw from you. You don’t  see the changes in yourself or the relationship because your perceptions are altered. It only takes a few drinks or tokes to change the energy between you both.  You  feel that you are “more yourself” or more relaxed and are likely to deny that this is a problem. It is  doesn’t meet...

Most of my clients are either seeking to find a special love relationship or to improve the relationship that they are in. Relationship skills that are important for either seeking or improving a relationship are often learned in the family by watching our parents and how they treat each other. If we are fortunate enough to have parents in a strong marriage, then what we see and absorb will help us though we still must update some of it to work for our own generation. If our parents are single parents or are in unhappy relationships we either have a blank slate where the relationship modeling...

Many of us want to feel better. This is often the reason people seek therapy.

Psychologists are finally beginning to study and do research on the experience of happiness. Happiness is defined as a feeling of “subjective well-being”, meaning that only we can decide if we are happy or not and that it will change from person to person. Most people would include in their definition of happiness being able to experience a number of positive emotions like joy, affection, contentment, hope, and gratitude. Is it possible to be too happy?

Yes it does seem that it is not good...